


a safe space to leave your heart

by MadameRee



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Dissociation, Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, I Don't Even Know, Insecurity, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Sorry Not Sorry, Stressed Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, not edited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameRee/pseuds/MadameRee
Summary: ~ ♛•♔ ~Peter spends another sleepless night, staring at the ceiling, thinking, dissociating... you know, the usual.Mr. Stark comes to the rescue, almost as if he were a superhero. Crazy, right?
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 131





	a safe space to leave your heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello, yes. This is... just a ramble. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Um... I'm going to put a trigger warning because this might be h e a v y. There might be some dissociation which was unintentional but, it follows the flow so.
> 
> my tumblr is madame-ree !

It’s stupid, really.

So stupid. Stupid how he couldn’t get his mind to stop. His thoughts kept tumbling and tossing around his skull, like clothes being turned in a washing machine. The darkness washing away all the goodness, the positivity, the warmth and the colour, leaving nothing behind but ghostly white remains; emptiness.

His eyes remained unmoving, gone, as he stared at the speckled ceiling of the apartment. The apartment. Not his home. Not his. He didn’t belong here. This is May and Ben’s. Not his. It’s not like they wanted him to begin with. May and Ben were sunshine on a cool winter day, glistening on every icicle and casting rainbows onto brick walls. Sweet dew perched softly on the green grass at sunrise. A breath of fresh air after a lifetime of dusty indoors. A drink of water, cold and refreshing on a hot summer day. 

And Peter was fire. Fire that burned, scorched and incinerated everything near it without care. 

And so, he didn’t belong. 

It was stupid. Stupid to think that they wanted him. The orphan who crashed into their lives like a bulldozer, knocking down the foundations that they worked so hard to build. Destroying their lives and their freedom, breaking it down till it was nothing but ash in the wind and then asking them to provide for him. To love him. Love the one who shattered their world from the inside out and sparing nothing. 

Not even Ben. 

Peter noticed that the world was starting to blur around the edges, stars swirling in his vision. The loss of oxygen distorting his sight as he held his breath. Held his breath deep within his lungs, trapping it within his body with no escape. Stifling the sign of life in hopes of forgetting that he was alive. Because he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve to breathe. Didn’t deserve the right to live. 

Stupid. He was being stupid.

Stupid because he knew. He knew he deserved to live because all humans did. But he didn’t. He knew that others would disagree with the sentiment of his darkness infused brain. Knew his friends wouldn’t agree. 

Friends. The people who complete your soul. The people who support you like roots of an oak as you stretch out as wide as the night sky, your leaves, hopes and dreams, fluttering in the wind. The people who won’t abandon you, leave you to drown in your tears of helplessness. The people who reach deep into your mind to wipe away the venom that seeps into your thoughts, your arteries, flowing to your vulnerable heart. The people you love so fully that you break at the seams as joy seeps through like a strawberry breeze. 

Friends are needed. Crucial to existence. The lifeline grounding humans as they float through the universe. Everyone needed them. Everyone had them. 

Except him. 

Logically he knew he had friends. But did he? Really? Did he have friendships like those immortalized in the realities of others but, fantasies of his? Where the other wouldn’t turn him away, reject him like a stray dog on a rainy day? 

No. 

His friends don’t care about him. Why would they? What did he offer them but broken expectations and an empty soul? Nothing. Nothing of merit. He wouldn’t be anyone’s first choice. No one would prioritise him, not even himself. 

Because he didn’t belong.

And so, he continues to hold his breath. Immobilize every movement so as to turn to stone. So that everything would stop. If he tried hard enough. It would all just,

Stop. 

Ned and MJ would disagree. They were his friends. To stay. But, were they? May loved him. But, did she?

Mr. Stark would want him to breathe. Breathe deeply as if the air would purify his infection. The venom that infected his immune system. Breathe because he didn’t need to earn it. Didn’t need to deserve it. Breathe so he could live. Breathe because he needs him to. Breathe. 

And so, Peter breathes. 

It was stupid. He knew that there were people for him but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. He was a spider without a web. Nothing tying him down, nothing grounding him, nothing pulling hard enough to hurt. No sensations, no feelings, nothing.

Emptiness. Hollow. 

Mr. Stark was there. He could see him through his wet lashes. Wet? Was he crying? Was he sad?

Huh.

He couldn’t feel it. 

Logically, he knew he was being insecure. Letting the dark part of his mind taint him. But, there was no place for logic in his eternal surrealistic prison. 

He wanted to believe he had people. Wanted it so much he would rip out his heart in trade. Rip out the organ essential for life just to feel secure. Feel loved. Feel wanted. Feel something.

Mr. Stark was there. Peter could see him. See his face warped and contorted in a look of worry and concern. For him? It was for him. It shouldn’t be there. He would do anything to get that look of Mr. Stark’s face. To get his hands to stop shaking like bones in an earthquake. To stop his eyes from tearing up and filling with fear as they spilled out onto his cheeks, painting lines of blue. What could he do? Oh.

He could breathe. 

So he did. Breathed to Mr. Stark would stop looking at him with such sadness. 

It was stupid. Stupid that he couldn’t crawl his way through the mud, the sludge that seems to have overtaken his mind. He knew that he was loved and that people cared for him but, all he could feel was the cold. The cold that seeped into his bones. The cold that knocked the breath right out of his lungs like a punch to the stomach. The cold that froze his thoughts. The cold that could stop his heart. 

Warmth. 

Mr. Stark? 

A hug. 

Stupid.

Stupid to think he… wasn’t loved? He had someone who cared? Someone who was there for him? Would fly through the treacherous depths of his mind to pull him free from his insanity? 

Maybe he was… worth it?

Was it stupid to think… he wasn’t alone? He couldn’t understand this contradiction that played out before his eyes. Here, in his thoughts, he was swallowed by the sinkhole of loneliness but out other, in reality, Mr. Stark was holding him in the haven of safety within the breadth of his arms, surging stability through him. 

Peter sucked in another breath. 

He looked into Mr. Stark’s eyes. Really looked. Searched for the glint of lying. The disgust. The revulsion. The annoyance.

He couldn’t see it.

That wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. It was a lie. Of course it was a lie. He was a burden. An anchor dragging down the ones he loved deeper into the ocean. Drowning them in his problems and smothering them like a wet towel, suffocating them. 

But… he couldn’t see it. It wasn’t there. Mr. Stark was looking at him like he was his lifeline. Like Peter himself was worth worry. Was worth his affection. Like Peter deserved every piece of happiness that he carved out for himself. Like Peter could breathe freely without the pressure of a thousand lives pushing him into the Earth like it could swallow him whole. Like Peter was the epitome of goodness in the world all condensed into one soul. Like Peter was…

Human. 

Was it stupid of him to believe that Mr. Stark cared for him? To think that May might love him? To think Ned and MJ might want him?

Was it stupid for him to want something he desperately hoped he could have? 

He breathed.

Mr. Stark smiled a soft smile, the one that sighed butterflies fluttering onto a flower. A gentle smile graced his lips as he pushed Peter’s curls out of his eyes. A smile that caused his chest to loosen the trapped breath, releasing his fear into the vastness of life. 

It wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t stupid to not be okay. The soul feels more deeply than the mind and that’s okay. His soul needed to breathe. Needed to let belief paint his entity the colour of stars and moonlight. 

He breathed.

He smiled.

Maybe…

Here, with Mr. Stark. With the thoughts of his friends and family. Here. 

Was a safe space to leave his heart.

“Hey, Tony.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment because they make my day and I love them with all my heart!  
> Also, please give me advice cuz I'm not a writer.


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